This past couple of days has been the best in my life EVER. I emailed and spoke; I made future plans to and have hung out with positive friends old and new. I saw some great performances. I ate some great food. I spent time with my family all in the same place and it was all good. I listened to good music, I had meaningful conversations, I listened, I walked some long distances and cabbed it when I felt it appropriate. I took suggestions constructively, I saw two great movies, I tucked my godchildren in and read two chapters of a book to them. I helped others without asking or expecting anything, I felt loved and appreciated on many levels I am about to meditate, give thanks for this life, fill my C-pap with distilled water, set my alarm and sleep.
Not even a year ago I was miserable in pain ready to die rather than suffer another moment here on this planet. I remember a time before that crying at my Mothers grave that I was a total F up and was unrepentantly hurtling towards definite demise.
I am glad I started taking steps to change my fate. Some of my students think life is written in stone and it IS only is if you perceive it is. Life is a prison sentence if you make it that. Surrounding yourself with negative people and situations will create horrible self fulfilling prophesies. I'm no doctor Phil (not yet anyway) but I will say this. A wise man once told me living in the past causes resentment about what has already transpired (a useless waste of energy), living in the future causes anxiety about what will be. (Another useless waste of energy) The only thing you can actually affect is your actions in the present. So stop being a hard headed, prideful jackass like me and handle yo dang business!
Living in the now is a gift that's why it's called the "present"
Don't get me wrong I got miles to go. The giant in Twin Peaks said "A path is formed by laying one stone at a time." I'm just happy right now and putting this down so I can reread this and remind myself when I'm feeling blue.
More Giant Wisdom: Don't search for all the answers at once.